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What Drives Controlling Behavior? - Part 1


What Drives Controlling Behavior?

Why did I choose the issue of CONTROL for my first blog topic?


Because there is so much labeling and name calling out there of self and others: “ I have CONTROL issues” or “ My boss is such a CONTROL freak” or “I’m so OCD.”


I’m about to shed some light on CONTROL to bring you understanding, compassion for self/others and healing potential for the root of your controlling behavior.


I recognize that people with true Personality Disorders such Narcissism, Borderline Personality and actual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) may demonstrate significant controlling behaviors It’s not my arena to diagnose or to treat these conditions, (although I do believe that Emotional Clearing might be very beneficial).


My purpose here is to help you recognize your own CONTROL issues and what might be the underlying reason for it.


In my 35 years of using Emotional Clearing to free my patients from stuck emotions and therefore allow for a more fulfilled life; here is a short list of possibilities you may recognize in yourself or loved ones:


1. Eating Disorders/Weight issues


2. Hoarding


3. Being emotionally repressed - keeping it all in


4. Avoiding social contact


5. Feeling powerless or paralyzed to take action


6. Impulsive spending



This is a short list! In my next blog, I will delve more deeply into what may be at the root of controlling behavior but for now, here are some ideas to consider.


So often, people who experienced abuse in their childhood ( emotional or physical) have had their boundaries crossed in a seriously inappropriate way. This can lead to eating disorders because “taking control” of your food and your body is a compensating mechanism to take charge of yourself. Very often extra weight can act as a form of protection from those who would hurt you.


Growing up in a chaotic family can feel and often is unsafe and can lead to all sorts of controlling behavior, So many patients have told me that they never cry because they’re afraid that if they start they will never be able to stop. Or another classic, people carrying so much unexpressed anger and resentment and frustration from their past are afraid to let it out because if they “unleash” their temper they could hurt someone or destroy a relationship.


This is barely the tip of the iceberg.


Emotional Clearing is based on the idea of our bodies storing the memory of past traumatic experiences which become stuck emotions in our nervous systems. Present time events remind us of those past traumas and trigger the stored emotions to come roaring our of the unconscious and create all sorts of havoc in our bodies, our relationships and our lives in general.


The ancient wisdom of Chinese medicine mapped out exactly where in our bodies these emotions are held. The feeling we call Lack of Control is stored in the Pancreas/ Spleen part of our system. It is also associated with anxiety, being over sensitive, hopelessness, low self esteem and distrust. You may related to these feelings alongside of your control issues.


We know the body and the mind are intimately connected and I have seen that people who have many of these stored emotions linked to CONTROL often experience sugar or alcohol craving/addictions and tendencies toward uncontrolled low blood sugar. So Lack of Control in your emotions connected to Lack of Control with sugar.


Stay tuned for my next blog where we will dive more deeply into the “why” of controlling behavior patterns and what can be done to resolve them. In the meantime, do your best to let go of judging yourself and open the door to compassion and to healing.

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